I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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