she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize