Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Randomize
