Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Randomize
