you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
