your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
