Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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