Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
