You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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