she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
