We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
