Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Randomize
