just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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