Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Four minutes until I can fart!
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
