I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
