I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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