i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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