I just pynch a tree in the face
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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