She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
