so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
