Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
