Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize