Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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