Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
