Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
