Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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