the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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