Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
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