I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
