as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
