Screwed.edu
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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