Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
