I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
