One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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