its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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