I'm really into asian looking animals
You're completely useless in the revolution.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
