apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
