4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
this is an emotional support booty call
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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