I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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