its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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