You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
