I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
