HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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