Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
