having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
