You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
