In America we eat man semen.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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