I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
