New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
