I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
