On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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