It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
