im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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