Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
