you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
