69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
