Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
