the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
