Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
