guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I want to fling myself into the sun
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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