she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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