this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize