Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
