I wish I could punch you in the face.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
