The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
