All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
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