When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
