He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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