if you like me you must not know who I am
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize
