I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
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