We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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