I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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