if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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