he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
if only i could text you this smell
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
