that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
