OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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