If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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